50+ Must-Know Encouraging Words for Kids (+ free printable lunch box notes!)

Both as a parent and a teacher, I am not a fan of empty praise and frequently saying "good job" to kids. 

This does not mean I don't believe in speaking encouraging words to kids. Not at all! I believe encouragement is very important for children to hear, but that encouraging words and praise should be targeted and specific for maximum effect.

Today we're looking at a list of encouraging words for kids, ideas of encouraging things to say in difficult situations, and why it's important to speak words of encouragement to your children. I also have a set of free printable lunchbox notes for you. I hope you enjoy!

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If this is your first time on The Artisan Life and you're wondering who I am to write about encouragement for kids, welcome! I'm Natasha. I hold a Master of the Arts in Teaching and I'm a mom. I am a total nerd for developmental psychology and childhood development. I'm excited to share this post with you today because I love this topic.

Praise vs Encouragement

Did you know that praise and encouragement are not the same thing? 

That's right! Praise focuses on what you, the adult, feels or things. Alfie Kohn, author of Punished by Rewards and Unconditional Parenting, argues that praise is a judgement. Others don't always go so far, but generally agree that praise is adult-centric. 

(Side note - I love the audio versions of Alfie Kohn's books because he narrates them, himself. You can really hear his intended emphasis and it's great.)

Examples of praise include "I like your drawing" or "I like how you picked up your clothes."

The effects of praise, in the long term, can be to decrease intrinsic motivation and give the impression that what the adult thinks matters more than what the child thinks or feels. This can lead to detrimental people pleasing behavior and a low sense of self worth.

Does this mean you can never tell your child you like anything they've done? Of course not! However, as parents and teachers we should be mindful of the kind of praise we give and how often we give praise, especially the all too frequently spoken "great job!"

(I feel like I also need to note that sometimes great job is exactly the right thing to say. I'm just encouraging you to be mindful of what you say and try to lean more into positive reinforcement and encouragement whenever possible.)

Encouragement is not judgement-based. It focuses on the child instead of the adult. For example, instead of "Good job finishing the puzzle," you could say "Wow! You worked really hard to complete that puzzle. You must feel proud." Instead of "I like how you picked up your clothes," you could simply say "thank you" or "I noticed that you picked up your clothes. Thank you."

We're so accustomed to hearing frequent praise that encouraging phrases may seem week and wishy-washy to you. They hold great power, though. Research shows that using encouragement helps children develop a stronger sense of intrinsic motivation (self motivation) and take greater pride in themselves. They're also less likely to be "people pleasers."

If you've been offering lots of praise in the past, don't worry that you may have had a negative impact on our child. Instead, take positive action today and start encouraging your child, whenever possible. Congratulate yourself for speaking kindly to your chink in the past and prepare yourself for the next step of offering encouragement in the future by reading this post. =)

Quick tips for encouraging words 

1. Focus on the process, not the outcome. Yes, of course it's okay to notice the outcome, but don't focus all of your attention on the end result.

2. Focus on effort, not talent. People mean well when they say "You're such a talented artist!" (Or something similar). Unfortunately, this can lead children with natural talent to not practice and develop their skills and it can bruise feelings when the child put a whole lot of hard work and practice in. Praising their "talent" ignores all their hard work.

3. Be specific. Instead of a vague/general "good job," tell the child exactly what you're appreciating.

4. Be timely. The best time to offer encouragement for positive reinforcement is immediately after you see the good behavior. Say "I noticed you sharing that toy with your little brother" immediately instead of "hey, I saw you sharing yesterday." (This recommendation holds true for other appreciations, too, not just noticing behaviors.)

5. Offer five sincere encouragements a day. This can be tricky difficult for you to do if you're away at work or your child is at school. Try adding an encouraging note to your child's lunch box or leaving a note at the breakfast table. (Make sure to keep scrolling to the bottom to download your free lunch box notes!)

Benefits of speaking inspiring words to children

Before the age of 7, children basically exist in a hypnotic trance. They have high theta brainwave activity, which allows them to absorb and learn an incredible amount. Things learned between the ages of 2 and 6 program themselves directly into your child's subconscious mind. 

This means how you speak to your child when they're young becomes how they speak to themselves and how they see the world. Your kind words to your young children truly do matter and have a lasting impact in your child's life. 

If your child is older, kind words still matter. This is especially during more challenging times like the first day of school, moving, or having difficulties a (former) good friend. Older kids need to hear and read positive messages, too. 

Positive Phrases and Inspirational Words for Children

WIth all that in mind, let's look at a few positive phrases and inspirational things to say to kids. Some of these phrases may not sound like positive encouragement to you, but they are powerful ways to make a difference in your child's day.

Most of these phrases are intentionally generic. For the greatest impact, make sure to modify a statement to make it specific when it makes sense to do so. For example, instead of "I noticed you sharing," say something like "I noticed you sharing your car with your sister." 

As you seek to encourage your child, be careful you don't discount or disparage any so-called negative emotions they are experiencing. You don't want to build the bad habit of repressing emotions. Instead, acknowledge their big feelings and suggest helpful ways to process emotions, like EFT Tapping.

Words of encouragement - positive things to say instead of praise

Encouraging words for a bad day/hard times

Encouragement for when your child is struggling

Encouragement quotes

Sometimes a quotation from a favorite character, author, or notable person can do the trick when words from Mom or Dad aren't enough. Here are a few of my favorites.

“Failure is not falling down; it is not getting up again.” - Mary Pickford

"Being different isn’t a bad thing. It means you’re brave enough to be yourself."– Luna Lovegood, Harry Potter

“Try to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.” - Maya Angelou

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“You are braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – Christopher Robin

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.” - Dr. Seuss

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” - Oscar Wilde

"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Lunchbox notes PDF printable download area

As promised, I have a sheet of printable lunch box notes for you! They don't have to be just used in a lunch box. You can tape one to the bathroom mirror, leave one at breakfast, or even send one in the mail to a child at summer camp or college.  

These are fun, encouraging lunchbox notes with punny, images and minimal usage of your colored ink. If you've like more colorful lunch box notes options, please leave a comment and let me know!

I recommend printing these notes on a premium paper or heavy duty card stock and laminating them for durability. Laminate before cutting the sheet so you can cut just one time. If you don't have a laminator, you can cut the cards out individually and "laminate" them with clear packing tape.

I hope you enjoyed this post on encouraging words for kids. Make sure to visit the posts below for additional uplifting printables.